Living the Dream

        Writing of chapter 4 commences. As I sit here on my living room floor with all my research and many books circled around me, I glance over it all and think. How on earth am I supposed to cram all this information into a chapter? With so much information how do I organize it? Where do I even start?!

         For the 100th time I carefully look over everything that I have collected through research. I begin to circle things I deem worthy and important and also write notes by other things that I may want to add to previous chapters or later chapters. Prior to starting chapter 4 I sat and went through what I had to make an outline. This detailed outline goes up to a certain chapter, which allows me to look back and see what my thoughts were for each chapter. And any additional notes I had thought at the time.

         Once I actually sat down and looked over my outline for chapter 4 I knew I was ready. I put on some Kenny G and George winston to get my thoughts flowing. Before I knew it, words were streaming on the computer and the beginning half of chapter 4 was born. I called my Mother and asked to read her the first paragraph, just to make sure that I was on the right track with nailing other people's personalities. Yet again she said I was spot on. It really baffles me how I am able to accomplish this still. I am now finding that with added dialogue's of persons I never knew, I have to try to sound like them! Which I want to try to stay true to, since some of my readers will have had some relations with the persons that the characters are based on.

          Just as the chapters before it, I am finding ease in writing it.
 Sitting down at my computer after a long day at work, full of enthusiasm to keep writing. I open my word document to find that nothing had saved. I was mortified and felt as though a piece of myself had died along with the words that no longer blinked back at me. None of chapter 4 remained. It was as though I had never written it. Was I losing my mind?! I went back to recent documents opened and oddly enough it had no record of me ever opening the document on friday, Saturday, or Sunday to work on chapter 4. What the heck?

It would take a lot more enthusiasm to be able to sit and write another 8 hours worth of work. I desperately tried to recover the file or find a way to possibly bring it back. Discouraged and in disbelief I tried one more thing. Reaching out to my much more tech savvy friends on facebook, in hopes that one of them could help me possibly bring it back. I just didnt understand. I vividly remember hitting save, save, save after writing a sentence or word once my fingers left the keyboard. After the shock had worn away I began beating myself up. Why did I not save it to another place as well?! Why didnt I save it somewhere online?! WHY WHY WHY? I was so happy with what I had written and felt as though there was no possible way that I could write it again.


After long agonizing minutes Mychael came home and was able to clear up the unclear. I had stupidly been saving to a full USB drive. Go me. I had successfully made myself think I had lost my sanity for good.

For now chapter 4 will have to be reborn.

A week went by and my enthusiasm to continue on finally came back. It was only after the hardest week that I have encountered in writing this book ended. The bigger task was at hand. Remembering what I wrote and how to make it sound ten times more brilliant than the last.  For the second time I encircled myself with my research and began writing. A week past and I was all caught up to where I had lost it previously. YAY.

January 14, 2012.

Happy New Year everyone!
     The past few months have been a struggle and writing was an even bigger hurtle.  Although, I have started to take better care for myself and outreached to all those who care about me. Things are getting better and writing has started once again. This chapter has proven to be the most difficult as it is very long and requires a lot of detailed attention. I have written 4 more pages, and all handwritten! Thanks to Mychaels parents I now have a large journal and writing planner to keep track and carry it with me, so the ideas can easily be written down. I have made goals and I plan on keeping strong until the chapter is finished! I mean who ever said books were easy to write!? I am hoping that the chapters to come are less as difficult to get through, but I know in the end I will feel proud about my accomplishment.  Hopefully by my 23rd birthday this month I will have closed this chapter and started the next!
 
May 10, 2012
Chapter 4 complete!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Digging

 Well as most of you know, I have not written in quite a while. 
          You must be wondering what on earth! She was chugging through chapters really fast! And yes yes I was. Upon meeting chapter 4 I realized that I could not, for sake of my organization, skip to another chapter where I do have all the material I need. Research needed to be done!

           I started with my grams and wrote up a nice page of interview questions for future interviews. I found it a little difficult since many of my interviewees were 3 hours ahead of me and I had to find a small chunk of time between when I got home from work till it was no longer appropriate to call people at night. Fitting in to the time zones and everyones schedules it has eaten up quite a bit of time.  However these past few weeks I have been able to track a few people down that knew my uncle and talk to them. I am learning so much about him from just the tiniest pieces of information. The black and white outline of him is starting to fill in to a most colorful person. He, like the rest of us, was very very human.  Filled with mistakes and regrets, along with many joys and wonders. I am also learning a lot about myself as  I interview people. One thing that has stuck out is that I am extremely curious and accepting of everything I am learning. For some it is very easy to dismiss facts that dont pertain to a certain way that you see some people as. I find that I have only embraced everything with such exuberance and respect, not only for what I learn about Him, but what I learn about the people I am interviewing. For as though some don't realize, a lot about their personalities come out when they are speaking about someone else, even though he has passed. I quite enjoy getting to know people through the interviews. 
       It is apparent that researching will take up a significant amount of writing this book. So far its paying off. On to calling more people and digging for information!

3rd Chapter: Young Life

   Sitting at my computer getting ready to start writing the third chapter I realized I didn't have enough information and was not sure what I really wanted to talk about within it. I had an idea of where I wanted to go with it, but how to start it? This was for sure my first struggle.

    Finally realizing that staring at the screen was doing me no good whatsoever I gave in to the writers block that had presented itself. Granted it did not mean giving up, I thought maybe a good nights sleep would bring  fresh ideas in the morning.

    Sleeping in was extremely nice. As I putted through the house getting ready for chores, I ran through my head what I needed, what I wanted to get through in this chapter and so on. So I decided the best thing might be to draw a rough outline of the book, hopefully it will prevent writers block from coming back. My main concern with this, was that it might possibly box me in. So maybe a list for each chapter of what I need to research and who to talk to would be better?

    I proceeded to call my Father who I hoped would be of some help.  Thankfully he gave me way more information than I had anticipated getting. From there I decided to continue to collect information by doing research before writing the chapter.

    After speaking to some people I was able to sit down and brainstorm how I really wanted this chapter to flow. Thoughts went here and there, if you could see them it probably looked very chaotic above my head. Without delay I pressed my fingers to the keyboard and persisted on. The hardest part about this chapter is having to revert back to my early childhood days. Unfortunately I was unable to write then and don't have them documented. Thank goodness for Mother's and their great memories. And yes I hope you noticed that I gave a little sneak into what I am writing. 

    The chapter from then on showed no resistance to be written and so, 

              With pleasure I can say," I defeated you writers block!"

Chapter 2: Another Perspective

    Wow already chapter 2! I wrote the first paragraph and realized, I am writing from someone else's perspective. OH MY GOSH can I pull of not sounding like my self in my writing!?!?!?!? I read over the paragraph that I had written over and over and over and over. Staring at it for maybe 30 minutes I decided the best thing to do was to just keep writing...just like Dory in Finding Nemo. Except my version:

    Just keep writing, just keep writing, just keep writing, writing, writing. 

    I pushed on though the chapter hoping that I was indeed capturing the true personality of the Character.  Was I hitting the correct tone, style, and hopes? Many questions running through my head.

   With most of the chapter written I called my Mother and asked if I could read part of what I had written to see if I had accomplished not being myself. Prepared to hear that I had not, my ears instead heard
"Ya I think you've done it."
    Astonished I had to ask again, just to make sure I had heard her correctly. Needing another opinion I called the second person who I thought would know very well if what I had written was another person. Calling Grams I caught her on a little shopping spree with her sister. Both eager to hear what material I had and to provide some insight climbed into their car and put me on speaker. I read to them what I had so far for this chapter, not aware of the reaction I was about to receive. 

   Within seconds after reading what I had, they both sprayed out multiple compliments. They were amazed at what I had read. The main question was asked, was my goal reached?

   Not only did I blow them away (their own words) they both agreed that I had not only written as if I were someone else but I really captured that person, as if they were writing the chapter themselves. Flabbergasted that I had done it with ease, I noted that this was another stitch that was tightened in the loose fabric.

    Finding it interesting that everything fell into place with so much ease with moving, my best friend on her way to be an editor, piecing together an outline, writing the first chapter, and then being able to capture someone's personality that I did not know.... I started thinking that maybe I am not doing this alone. For those who believe in angels, I sincerely think I have an angel helping. For those who don't well it really must be fate that I should be writing this book. Whether I am doing this alone or not I am greatly thankful that I am finding ease in writing.

    The second chapter was finished and on its way to Kali.

First Chapter Here We Go!

     Sat down at my computer, well Mychael's really old busted dell laptop actually. I had it nicely positioned on the bed with the screen resting against a stack of pillows. That way it would not fall apart and just fail at being a computer. He has decided that we "traded" computers. So he gets my nice macbook and I get whatever is left of his old dell. This is very interesting since he is the one insisting that he does not need a new one......hmm

    So being the cute couple that we are, we both worked on our computers doing our different things, while sitting on the bed. I grabbed my Death Of A Secret journal and went over my notes from when I talked with the parentals.  Everything looked good and I didnt appear to be missing any information. With my fingers on the keyboard I let them fly! I had told Kali I would have the first chapter done by the end of that weekend. So I was on a mission!

    I didn't find many challenges writing the first chapter, I found it very easy to become the character and really describe what it must have been like for them.  I thought the hardest part would be making the first chapter really draw ya in,  but I was wrong. The biggest road block I hit was how to describe additional character's personalities! WOAW. I figured it would have been much easier to describe them since I knew them so well! That was a large surprise, it was harder than I had thought.

    I  didn't let it stop me, I nudged on and on until I finished the first chapter!  I read it over and over and over. Even more excited then when I figured out how to tie it all together, I called everyone I was close to to tell them I finished it!

   Another crazy note: I spoke with both my Grams and Mom about my book. They both shared stories about my uncle, which made my outline fit even more miraculously together. The fine stitching was being sewn with every story told. 

Pieces of the Puzzle Come Together

    At last, we were settled into our new home. Mychael started medical school and I got a job! Everything came together nicely and thankfully very quickly.

    I was finally able to sit down and relax and of COURSE start brainstorming about how I wanted my book to flow. Mychael was doing homework and I sat our on our balcony (Lanai) looking into the beautiful Hawaiian horizon with my little blank journal. Surprisingly it did not take long for the brain juices to get flowing. After about 15 minutes of really thinking about an outline for my book it came to me. It was almost too easy! I immediately knew how I wanted to start my book and continue on with each chapter! I would love to share the outline with all of you, but I am afraid I want there to be some surprise!

    I made sure to write it all down! Filled with excitement I called my parents and made sure I was on speaker phone!
       "Guess what, I said!"
       "They replied..what?"
       "I know how I want my book to go! Now I just need information for my first chapter!"
    I continued to ask many questions, like what were they feeling during that time period? What did their settings look like?  Who was all there? Etc.
Feeling content with the answers they gave me I jotted them down and continued on to call Kali. I left a message on her phone, sounding crazy I am sure. I was so enthused that I had finally figured it all out!
     The following day Kali called me back, I rambled for an hour about the outline and how I wanted each chapter to sound and how I would navigate between the two main characters. She was on board. I mentioned to her that it was pretty crazy how everything had fallen into place so well since we moved to Hawaii.

    I left it at that;in the back of my mind.

The Big Question: What To Write About

      For about a month I rolled around many ideas of what to write about and how. I knew I wanted to use my journals as a helpful tool, but what was the best way without it sounding boring?

      I thought maybe I could write just write about myself in an autobiography kind of way. Or to make a fantasy fiction novel from my life with some twists! After a lot of thought through most of May and June I decided to ditch those ideas, they just did not sound right.

      It was finally the end of June and I left Seattle to spend time with my family for a week and a half before my boyfriend and I moved to Hawaii. I was very excited to be home and excited to spend time with my long time good friend Kali. It didn't occur to me until she came over for a huge Shabbat lunch on Saturday that I wanted her to help me write the book. We spend hours batting around ideas for the book and giggled over the completely insane sounding ones. We talked about how she could help me and I couldn't believe that I had forgotten that she was going to school to become an Editor. So at that moment I knew we had to run with it. It was decided that I would write a chapter  and send it via email for her to edit and help write where I lacked. We were like two 6 year old girls excited over the talk of boys.  The plan was in motion, but still what do we write about?!

Thankfully that trip had more to offer than a good time with family and friends. It had an idea.
   The time came to start packing for the anticipated camping trip with Mom, Noa, Grams and Gramps. We all piled in with the 2 dogs into my grandparents RV and starting driving to our favorite spot. Mill pond, WA. The stay there was short. Thankfully we were able to enjoy some nice bonfires. There was one particular night before dinner, my Grandmother, Noa and I were sitting around the fire talking about what names to use in the book. Grams asked what I was writing about and of course I said I have NO clue. She said write about your Uncle! So I took that idea but was still somewhat skeptical about it. I still did not know how to tie it in with me and to make it a good, interesting book.

This did not discourage me. I thought I would leave it alone for my brain to process and think on for awhile, so that I could settle into my new home in Hawaii first.

The Idea Latches On

         Never in my life had I imagined that I would even think about writing a book. I couldn't imagine myself having the patience to be able to sit and dedicate my time to writing something that long! It was difficult for me to even write a 10 page essay! What would I write about and would I have enough to say about it?! So many questions. This is how it all started:


         It was sometime in May 2011 that I was at work . I was a Nanny for a 3 year old girl. It was a day that her grandmother came early to help out, while her father was out of town. We got talking about many different things and she learned that I had kept a detailed day to day journal since I was about 9 years old. Her instant reaction was to tell me that someone in their family found the journals of their Grandmother after she passed away and wrote a book about their family. She said, "You should write a book too!"


        At first I thought it was kind of a silly idea. Since what on earth would I write about?! But after I seriously thought about it more and more, I decided why not?! My boyfriend would be starting medical school and would be super busy all the time. I needed something to keep me busy as well. And so the IDEA was born and planted! On to brainstorming!